Crisp Nomenclature

Good Evening Citizens,

Just going back to a previous transmission regarding the over elaboration of food descriptions, I would like to share with you a few crisp "flavours" I have notice in my local supermarket......

• Double Gloucester and Chive
• Vintage Cheddar and Spring Onion
• Mature Cheddar and Lyonnaise Shallot
• Mature Cheddar and Red Onion Chutney

HAS EVERYONE LOST THEIR MINDS????? What was wrong with plain old cheese and onion? All these so called "flavours" are cheese and onion. They all taste like cheese and onion, so why not call them cheese and onion. No - instead we have to have faffy stupid exotic names so we feel all middle class and special when we're stuffing our faces with crisps. Complete toss!

Sea Salt and Chardonnay Wine Vinegar!!! Seriously!

Oh, look at me..... I'm so important. I'm too good for your grubby working class salt and vinegar crisps. I demand that the salt for my crisped potatoes is extracted from the sea by the local peasantry, and what's this.....? Vinegar? Normal plain old vinegar? Get that out of my sight and bring me your finest Chardonnay. Turn this fine wine into a vinegar so that it might grace my crispy delicacies.

GLOBAL DECREE #5
Crisp flavours are to be described in their simplest form.

In particular the following crisp flavour naming conventions will apply:

• Any ingredient that is a member of the Allium genus will be referred to simply as "onion"
• Any acetic acid based ingredient will be referred to simply as "vinegar"
• All types of cheese will simply be described as "cheese"

It is a shame that the world we live in has sunk to this level of turdery - which is exactly why you all need me to take over! This nonsense has to stop!

So, until the world is mine and Global Decree #5 is implemented, be good citizens and steer clear of these poncey named scabs off the devil's arse. In fact - have an apple instead, they are much better for you.

Hail Me!
The Mighty and Benevolent Chris

P.S. Chess training coming along very nicely. Will set up a "Battle Royale" with Chess Nemesis in the next few weeks!