Good Evening my splendid People,
Do you have enough money? You probably don't think so. But the very fact that you are reading this on your PC with an internet connection tells me that you are doing fairly well for yourself when compared to a lot of people in the world.
Did you know that there are children dying from diarrhoea? In 2007!!! What is going on? That isn't right is it? While most of us are worrying about how much tax we have to pay and and how many holidays we can have this year, there are people dying because they don't have clean water to drink. And to stop this costs a fraction of what most of us spend on lunch every day!
It seems to me that there is plenty of money in the world, it's just not shared out very well. I'm not a communist by any means, and I understand and accept the need for capitalism, but I think capitalism needs to have a bit more of a social conscious.
I feel a new global decree coming on.......
GLOBAL DECREE #3
The Half Billionaire Rule
No-one is allowed to have more than US$500 million dollars. Anything over $500 million gets taken away and used to improve the standard of living of those who are most in need.
$500 million is a lot of money isn't it? I think if someone had $500 million dollars they would have a very comfortable life don't you? So why would they NEED any more than that? To be honest, I don't think anyone NEEDS anywhere near that much money. I think I am being extremely generous setting the limit at $500 million!!! It is certainly far more money than 99.99% of us could even contemplate having. I heard on the radio today that someone has just paid US$70 million for an Andy Warhol painting! Whoever can afford to pay that sort of price for a damn painting has got too much money!
According to the Forbes list, in 2007 there are 946 billionaires in the world with a total worth of $3.5 trillion ($3,500,000,000,000). For the sake of simplicity, lets say there is 1000 billionaires. If i took away all there money and gave the each $500 million to go off and live a life of luxury, that would leave $3 trillion left in the pot. And that is just the billionaires! That doesn't include the thousands of people who have between $500-999 million.
But let's be conservative and say I have $3 trillion dollars. That is three million million dollars! That is the equivalent of $500 for every single person on the planet! Now most of us don't need that $500 (remember people, there is a difference between want and need)!
I'm fairly sure I could stop children dying from diarrhoea with $3 trillion, and still have enough change to make sure everyone in the world had enough to eat, got an education, had basic healthcare etc etc etc, and put systems in place to make sure that those provisions were on-going.
And how did we do this? Just by telling 1000 people (from a population of 6 billion!) that they can only have $500 million to live on. I can already sense that you feel desperately sorry for these poor former billionaires!
Another great thing about me being the supreme leader of the world is that it will completely get rid of third world debt! No country will owe any other country anything. Since I will be the ruler of the entire world we'll just call it quits on everything seeing as there will only be one government (i.e. me!). And no, I won't be living in a huge palace on top of a mountain when I am Supreme Ruler of Absolutely Everything - at least not we've have sorted out those people in the world who really need a little help.
Sorry if this latest installment has been a bit heavy, it can't all be fun fun fun running the world. Sometimes we do have to look at serious things too.
Until next time (and please give generously!)
The Mighty and Benevolent Chris
Friday 18 May 2007
Monday 14 May 2007
Global Decree #2
It seems that throughout history, many leaders been guilty of persecution. While I generally think that persecution is a bad thing, this is one tradition I will be keeping. I don't intend persecuting on the grounds of race, religion, sexuality, or beliefs - I intend to persecute on the basis of whether or not someone is a clown.
GLOBAL DECREE #2
Dealing with Clowns
All clowns are to be taken to regional internment camps immediately. Clown labour will be used to make up for any shortcomings in global productivity that result as a consequence of Global Decree #1. All clown pictures, memorabilia, likenesses and paraphernalia are to be destroyed. This includes (but is not limited to) rotating bow ties, stupid cars that fall to pieces, and flowers that squirt water. Clown dolls must be burnt and their remains divided up and scattered on different continents.
I don't like clowns - they freak me out!
GLOBAL DECREE #2
Dealing with Clowns
All clowns are to be taken to regional internment camps immediately. Clown labour will be used to make up for any shortcomings in global productivity that result as a consequence of Global Decree #1. All clown pictures, memorabilia, likenesses and paraphernalia are to be destroyed. This includes (but is not limited to) rotating bow ties, stupid cars that fall to pieces, and flowers that squirt water. Clown dolls must be burnt and their remains divided up and scattered on different continents.
I don't like clowns - they freak me out!
My First Decree
Good Evening Citizens,
It is I, the Mighty and Benevolent Chris, here to issue my first global decree!
Don't Mondays suck? That first day back at work. Mondays are so bad they even spoil Sundays! You can't properly enjoy Sunday because you know that Monday is on its way!
I also feel that it is unfair that we only have a two day weekend. Seven days in a week, five working and two resting. That's not right is it? Even if it was four days working and three days resting it would still be unfair, but it would be much better.
So - with all this in mind I am pleased to unveil......... (fanfare)
GLOBAL DECREE #1
The Introduction of "Chrisday"
In order to address the imbalance of the 5:2 work/rest ratio of the current week, we will be moving to a 4:3 week. Mondays will be done away with and a new day, Chrisday, will be introduced to the week.
A working week will now run as follows
The decision to place Chrisday between Saturday and Sunday was so that the General Population can REALLY enjoy Chrisday, since you will have a day off before and a day off after!
Further to the introduction of Chrisday, I am ruling that work on a Tuesday must not start before 10.30am - just so that Sunday isn't quite so spoilt by the thought of going back to work on Tuesday. At least you can have a little lie in!
I hope that all makes sense. I know there will be a few of you who will wonder about the loss of productivity etc - well don't. Have faith in your Magnificent and Wonderous Leader - I've got it covered, but we'll save that for another time.
Until next time - Hail Me!
Supreme Generalissimo Chris
It is I, the Mighty and Benevolent Chris, here to issue my first global decree!
Don't Mondays suck? That first day back at work. Mondays are so bad they even spoil Sundays! You can't properly enjoy Sunday because you know that Monday is on its way!
I also feel that it is unfair that we only have a two day weekend. Seven days in a week, five working and two resting. That's not right is it? Even if it was four days working and three days resting it would still be unfair, but it would be much better.
So - with all this in mind I am pleased to unveil......... (fanfare)
GLOBAL DECREE #1
The Introduction of "Chrisday"
In order to address the imbalance of the 5:2 work/rest ratio of the current week, we will be moving to a 4:3 week. Mondays will be done away with and a new day, Chrisday, will be introduced to the week.
A working week will now run as follows
- Tuesday (work)
- Wednesday (work)
- Thursday (work)
- Friday (work)
- Saturday (weekend)
- Chrisday (weekend)
- Sunday (weekend)
The decision to place Chrisday between Saturday and Sunday was so that the General Population can REALLY enjoy Chrisday, since you will have a day off before and a day off after!
Further to the introduction of Chrisday, I am ruling that work on a Tuesday must not start before 10.30am - just so that Sunday isn't quite so spoilt by the thought of going back to work on Tuesday. At least you can have a little lie in!
I hope that all makes sense. I know there will be a few of you who will wonder about the loss of productivity etc - well don't. Have faith in your Magnificent and Wonderous Leader - I've got it covered, but we'll save that for another time.
Until next time - Hail Me!
Supreme Generalissimo Chris
Sunday 13 May 2007
Getting Started
Hello again,
Right - I think I should get a few things organised so we get off on the right foot. I think the first issues to sort out are....
Right - I think I should get a few things organised so we get off on the right foot. I think the first issues to sort out are....
- What should my official title/s be?
- What should YOUR official title/s be?
So - my title/s. A few ideas I have come up with so far are....
- Supreme Overlord Chris
- The Magnificent One
- His Mightiness
- Chief Dictator in Charge of Everything
- Captain Fantastic
This is not an exhaustive list, but for the time being I will use these as my official titles. I will probably add to these at some point.
Now, the general population shall be refered to as any of the following....
- The General Population
- The Populace
- Citizen (if referring to an individual)
- The Little People
Okay, that should do it for now, I'll think up some more as I go along. I'm going to honour the General Population with a photo of my gracious and mighty self very soon. Maybe I should have some sort of uniform or something to denote my supreme ruler status, or at least a special hat! I'll have a think about that one.
Until next time my beloved little people,
His Mightiness Captain Fantastic
My Manifesto for World Domination......
Greetings Citizen,
I am the Mighty and Benevolent Chris. It is my intention to plan and implement a complete takeover of the planet and install myself as the supreme ruler!
I should perhaps point out that I don't intend being an evil ruler or to take over by evil or violent means. While I am certainly no saint, I don't have any ambitions to enslave the human race and make you all work in salt mines - far from it in fact. I intend to issue decrees that will benefit the whole of the human race because the way I see it there are a lot of things that need sorting out! On the flip side of that, I should also mention that I'm no tree hugging, sandal wearing, hippy flower-meister either. Any disobedience to my rule will be dealt with in bizarre and unnecessarily unusual ways!!!
Over the course of this blog, I will be updating you (my future loyal subjects) on my progress towards world domination and sharing my thoughts and future policies on such issues as crime, politics, religion, breakfast cereals, italian restaurants, and coat hangers.
Although as Supreme Ruler of the World I will obviously have the final say on absolutely everything, I am also happy to (sometimes) listen to suggestions from the populace. If I like them then they get made law, if not then.... I dunno yet, maybe whoever suggested it has to wear a silly hat for a week or something - I'll have to have a think about that. The point is that while I am more than capable of entirely ruling the planet, it might be more fun if all you little people joined in and came up with some ideas too. I'll probably be forming some sort of global government at some point so I'll need some like minded geniuses (not evil!) to join me. I'll be handing out titles and honours etc so it's probably best to get on my good side early!
Anyway, thats pretty much an outline of what is going to be happening here. I suggest you keep up to date, you don't want to be out of the loop when the revolution comes do you?
Until next time my faithful minions,
The Mighty and Benevolent Chris.
I am the Mighty and Benevolent Chris. It is my intention to plan and implement a complete takeover of the planet and install myself as the supreme ruler!
I should perhaps point out that I don't intend being an evil ruler or to take over by evil or violent means. While I am certainly no saint, I don't have any ambitions to enslave the human race and make you all work in salt mines - far from it in fact. I intend to issue decrees that will benefit the whole of the human race because the way I see it there are a lot of things that need sorting out! On the flip side of that, I should also mention that I'm no tree hugging, sandal wearing, hippy flower-meister either. Any disobedience to my rule will be dealt with in bizarre and unnecessarily unusual ways!!!
Over the course of this blog, I will be updating you (my future loyal subjects) on my progress towards world domination and sharing my thoughts and future policies on such issues as crime, politics, religion, breakfast cereals, italian restaurants, and coat hangers.
Although as Supreme Ruler of the World I will obviously have the final say on absolutely everything, I am also happy to (sometimes) listen to suggestions from the populace. If I like them then they get made law, if not then.... I dunno yet, maybe whoever suggested it has to wear a silly hat for a week or something - I'll have to have a think about that. The point is that while I am more than capable of entirely ruling the planet, it might be more fun if all you little people joined in and came up with some ideas too. I'll probably be forming some sort of global government at some point so I'll need some like minded geniuses (not evil!) to join me. I'll be handing out titles and honours etc so it's probably best to get on my good side early!
Anyway, thats pretty much an outline of what is going to be happening here. I suggest you keep up to date, you don't want to be out of the loop when the revolution comes do you?
Until next time my faithful minions,
The Mighty and Benevolent Chris.
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